Site Specific Evidence in the "Why" Essay

Those of you laboring over Labor Day weekend take note: Writing the "why" short answer doesn't need to be grueling, but you will need to deeply research your schools and carefully map your responses before opening up your laptop. These little suckers are key to your admission: You're proving you're a match.

Madeline Belknap--valedictorian of Coram Deo Academy Class of 2021--demonstrates below how to do this in excellent fashion. She's now enjoying her first year at Rice University--her first choice. She got in ED.

Note how she upcycled one concept for all of her "whys."

First, she drafted a long version of about 350 words then she shortened it to about 200 words. Each time she deployed the piece, she added in different information pertaining to a new college.

Thanks for allowing me to share you work, Madeline.

Rice Version (Short):

Ethan stops his alarm clock and begrudgingly rolls out of bed. His head hurts. He’s dizzy. He looks into the mirror, taking note of his pale skin and swollen face. He brushes his teeth and his toothbrush diagnoses him. He has the flu.

Right now, I don’t have the skill set to create this intelligent toothbrush that can assess health and diagnose illness. But one day, I will. My love for problem-solving, along with my interest in chemistry and medicine, gives me a unique approach to the world. I want to study these subjects, because I know that my education will affect others.

Whether it be joining research to extend the shelf-life of perishable produce through an egg-based coating or working to build economical ventilators with readily available parts through the Rice’s ApolloBVM project, I want to innovate to impact humanity in big ways.

UT Version (Long):

Ethan fumbles for his alarm clock, silencing it, then begrudgingly rolls out of bed. His head hurts. He stumbles to the bathroom, noticing how dizzy he feels. He looks into the mirror, taking note of his pale skin and swollen face. He brushes his teeth. He has the flu.

Right now, I don’t have the skill set to create this intelligent toothbrush. But one day, I will.

Consider this: The average person spends 38.5 days brushing their teeth over the course of their lifetime, so it makes sense to capitalize on the daily routine. The mouth is the gateway to well-being; many diseases are linked to oral health including heart disease, diabetes, and osteoporosis. By creating a smart toothbrush that could diagnose illness and assess health, we could incorporate major health checks into daily life. High sodium levels in saliva?

Maybe you have cardiac disease. Kindergartener forgets to brush the backs of his teeth? The toothbrush’s daily report could show that.

My love for problem-solving, along with my interest in chemistry and medicine, gives me a unique approach to the world. Chemistry makes life’s mysteries a little less mysterious. It also gives me a way to connect my knowledge and desire to help others.

Moreover, chemistry is fundamental to our world, yet few understand it. I want to translate these facts for others in meaningful ways. I’d like to join the Bold Women in Chemistry organization to connect girls of all ages through mentorship and use that network to improve science education in the Austin community.

In the future, my toothbrush will reduce your plaque, but also keep your health on track. From 3-D printing to the lithium-ion battery, UT researchers have revolutionized the world—and my toothbrush will too.